I consider these three girls, women actually, my legacy to the world at large as I actually physically brought them into the world and raised them, the best way I knew how, to adulthood. Since this picture was taken, we’ve added and subtracted people from our lives but the addition of more grandchildren was one of the best additions. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and I’ve made my share but these three were never nor ever to be considered a mistake! I planned for them,even to the day on which they would most likely be born which may surprise those who consider getting married at such a young age to be the result of procreating but no, I simply wanted to have children and live to successfully raise them to be successful adults and I think I have succeeded in that task. I wasn’t the perfect parent,no one is but I had a lot of good examples to follow and some of those “examples’ helped me love and nurture my babies. My mother, my grandmothers, my aunts,on both sides, provided me the skills to raise my own children by the way they treated me and with my grandmothers and aunts, their own children. We’d all like to write the classic novel that is read by millions for eons or paint the painting that makes the museum attendee stop and gasp or stand mesmerized by the beauty and talent exhibited by the painting in front of them, and then there’s the music which stands the test of time but I consider my greatest legacy to be these three little girls for somewhere in my heart ,they are still little girls and I thank God for letting me be blessed with the ability to leave this legacy to the world.
And say all the things you never say
And all the things you do say that fill my heart with joy
And all the little things you don’t think are important but I do
And tell me with your words how much I really mean to you
And all the things you have stored up inside that you didn’t think I wanted to hear
And all your fears and worries
Come write me a love letter and share your heart with mine
For love means more than just the words ,”I love you!”
Come write me a love letter and send it before it’s too late
For when I’m gone and you have to say it to my picture
And the tears cover your eyes
Come write me a love letter and I’ll write one back for love you I do
And for the past month or so, I have allowed life to dam up the words and characters and stories that ,sometimes , overpopulate the creepy caverns of my mind. My muse was still there,I just muted her words and tried to lose myself in anything but allowing my mind to empty onto my computer or into my writings.Words have great power, greater even sometimes than a physical blow, for a broken bone will usually heal after several weeks but careless or angry words spoken in pain can leave emotional scars that last a lifetime and never really truly heal inside for life keeps throwing those words back in ones face.
Some are quick to offer the comment,” Stop living in the past” but all too often those are the very same ones who make decisions or opinions of you based on words or actions which occurred long ago in the very same past.There too,our memories sometimes hinge on not what really happened but what we remember as happening in order to carry on with life and be able to live with ourselves. It is hard to realize the mistakes or sins we commit ,admitting to wrong is hard for all of us including me but it is past time for me to stop taking blame for things I didn’t do simply to smooth things over and keep love around me.
God loves me, warts and all and he knows ALL my sins and mistakes so for me to live in fear of being turned away from if I don’t take the blame is wrong.I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I’ve done wrong in my life , I always have . I really didn’t need anyone to continually harp on it ,I needed them to turn their eyes back on themselves and see their own wrong and let me fix mine.
We all hold onto the words that really need to be spoken at times and let the words that not only should be blocked but buried permanently, flow freely. Open and honest dialogue about the past might not only clear the air and let out those festering hurts and anger to be burned away by the light,it might allow real and true healing.
I’m not writing as though I were lily white and perfect but rather asking those who would to realize their own part in the past for I can’t bear the blame for my sins as well as yours, I’m just not that strong and the only one that ever was ,well, we tortured and had put to death and I am most definitely not Him!
I’m taking down the dam and letting my words flow and hopefully, the good and positive words will remain and all the bad words will flow away from me and like water in the sunlight evaporate!
So, good morning and as for me,well, I’m writing again,good or bad, they are my words and I take responsibility for them,just not for anyone else’s.