And for the past month or so, I have allowed life to dam up the words and characters and stories that ,sometimes , overpopulate the creepy caverns of my mind. My muse was still there,I just muted her words and tried to lose myself in anything but allowing my mind to empty onto my computer or into my writings.Words have great power, greater even sometimes than a physical blow, for a broken bone will usually heal after several weeks but careless or angry words spoken in pain can leave emotional scars that last a lifetime and never really truly heal inside for life keeps throwing those words back in ones face.
Some are quick to offer the comment,” Stop living in the past” but all too often those are the very same ones who make decisions or opinions of you based on words or actions which occurred long ago in the very same past.There too,our memories sometimes hinge on not what really happened but what we remember as happening in order to carry on with life and be able to live with ourselves. It is hard to realize the mistakes or sins we commit ,admitting to wrong is hard for all of us including me but it is past time for me to stop taking blame for things I didn’t do simply to smooth things over and keep love around me.
God loves me, warts and all and he knows ALL my sins and mistakes so for me to live in fear of being turned away from if I don’t take the blame is wrong.I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I’ve done wrong in my life , I always have . I really didn’t need anyone to continually harp on it ,I needed them to turn their eyes back on themselves and see their own wrong and let me fix mine.
We all hold onto the words that really need to be spoken at times and let the words that not only should be blocked but buried permanently, flow freely. Open and honest dialogue about the past might not only clear the air and let out those festering hurts and anger to be burned away by the light,it might allow real and true healing.
I’m not writing as though I were lily white and perfect but rather asking those who would to realize their own part in the past for I can’t bear the blame for my sins as well as yours, I’m just not that strong and the only one that ever was ,well, we tortured and had put to death and I am most definitely not Him!
I’m taking down the dam and letting my words flow and hopefully, the good and positive words will remain and all the bad words will flow away from me and like water in the sunlight evaporate!
So, good morning and as for me,well, I’m writing again,good or bad, they are my words and I take responsibility for them,just not for anyone else’s.