I meant to write today and use the words swirling around in the morass that passes for my mind. I had every intention of contributing to the finish of yet another tale to be squirreled away for leisurely perusal after my glorious demise (hopefully not for a long time but I’m not greedy!) but alas, once again I got lured into the quicksand that compose my Facebook world these days. I hang out on those sticky banks way too much these days but in my defense, so do the rest of you. Yes, I know ,my page always seems to be open and it is but my tremendous backside is not always parked in front. Sometimes I do just get tired of logging on and off and leave it up. Some have said, aren’t you worried about someone hacking it and posting things you wouldn’t,well, I would if they came in my house and sat in my chair but since I’d have to unlock the door and my house is small enough that i can see everything they do, putting something bad might not be such a good idea besides if those who know or are supposed to know me ,react to something on my page, they generally are reacting to something I put there. One of my beloved uncles has come up with a page concerning his and others recollection of the community he and my mothers family grew up in and I am having fun reading his tales and looking at the pictures of long ago. I wish I had more clear memories of my early childhood ,it’s just bits and pieces sometimes,(getting knocked out in a swimming pool will scramble the brain cells sometimes!)but since most of what I do manage to remember is good, I am content. As to the memories that aren’t so pleasant ,well, I have ,as of late,started trying to remember them through adult eyes so that maybe they will make more sense. Funny how when one is little how big and scary some people are and stay that way till one reaches adulthood and realizes the “scary people” were just trying to help . I have only one memory of my maternal grandfather ever getting mad or upset with me and he had every right to as I had gone off without telling he and my grandmother where I was and he was worried about me,still do not remember him raising his voice to me, I just remember knowing he was not happy with me at all. I miss my grandparents so much these days, yes, they spoiled me but they loved me and I would gladly give up years of my life to have them back. I guess it’s reaching the age I am and realizing that my mom has become the oldest still living in her family and my dad in his, that has made me open my eyes to the very real fact that soon and sooner than I am ready for, I will lose them too . That’s when I become that little tiny kid who knows that Mother and Daddy truly love me and if they leave,who can I trust to love me like they do? I have such good parents, not perfect but oh so very good and loving and every day has become precious to me that they still reside in this world. I meant to write today and I guess I have ,just not about fanciful things like sprites and fairies or little forest animals or even a gentle lonely older woman who just wants to be reunited with the love of her life, I wrote about my life.
Now what could taking a leisurely journey down a lazy river have to do with having thin skin and not reacting well to criticism? Sometimes ,when I timidly offer up a paltry offering from my small body of work ,it’s not the critics who pierce the fragile skin the most ,it’s the ones who just can’t be bothered to even read it. That’s when I’d like to load a raft and take my paper and pen and float downstream till I can land on a more hospitable shore. Seems one has to publish something controversial to get attention and there are times when ,as a writer, I had no intention on causing strife or controversy but did anyway. My dreams are short stories my subconscious writes during my fitful slumbers and I, from time to time, will write them down and spin a tale from the “wool ” provided. Haven’t written much lately, can’t seem to keep focused on taking my characters from beginning to end but maybe the change of the seasons will help turn my musings back into somethings with more form and substance. The thin skin?Not much I can do about it except hope that it may thicken and that my resolve to write regardless of criticism or lack of interest will strengthen. As for the river journey,maybe next year I can escape my four walls and float my self down that lazy river for real!