“She took the music”

ImageShe took the music or maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t so much that she took the music from my life but that I let her do it. That I let her words and her actions so crush the joy deep down in my heart ,that I let the music that I heard,in the very air around me, slip carelessly through my fingers. ┬áThe rhythms of my heart, the the beat of time that it seemed only I heard, I let her silence that song. I gave credence to her opinions that I had no talent, that I could not weave a tale so magical ,so enthralling with my words,my verbal notes, that a reader, a true reader who read with both their eyes and their heart could not be caught up in my story. Make no mistake, words can sound a tune that can reverberate through time like the finest symphony or simple ballad sung with passion in a pub. It’s the passion that I let her withdraw from my soul and replace it with fear, with anger and with rage against the injustice, against the the silencing of my voice because surely no one would ever listen to my words,that no one would ever hear the song of life that I was attempting to give them with my simple poems and silly tales, my “unfinished memoir ” fictional in concept ,that told of love that carried on til time itself ran out. My “word children” that I birthed with happiness in the midst of great pain at times and then hid carefully away, never fully letting them see the light of day,in a misguided attempt to protect them from her derision and scorn ,from her words and phrases that cut like very sharp knives sliding down the fabric of my spirit. It was no ones fault but my own and my misery could no longer be laid at anyone’s feet but mine but that had to change as I felt my time and those gentle tethers that held me on this world start weakening and slipping away. Those invisible burdens that had been laid on my unwilling shoulders could only be lifted by me and only when I forgave ,not only her for placing them but myself for accepting them and carrying them like tattered banners flying over my head from place to place ,never once looking up and seeing them for what they really were,broken pieces of her fear and her anger and her rage…..

Advertisements