The “Me” inside and other Saturday thoughts

ImageYes, that mischievous pixie hides inside this  not so lovely facade that most everyone sees these days when they look at me . For those who might wonder why she hides, it’s because it’s safer inside,no eye rolling, no judgments ,no negativity  and let’s face it, for  her, it’s a blast hanging out inside the dusty attic that passes for my brain these days. She has plenty of company, all the characters from my stories are in there, memories flash on the big screen in Technicolor   like little movies complete with occasional cartoons. Every so often, a “movie” comes on that isn’t  so pleasant to watch but she stays, sitting in her recliner ,eating her virtual popcorn wondering why and how she survived that but she did. Sometimes she questions why no one else saw it coming but she still has faith things will work out in the end so she sits and waits.  She’s a lot more patient than I am but perhaps that’s because she has access to good memories that I seem to have forgotten how to retrieve from the “film vault”! Well, actually I do know but sometimes with  the “good” comes the “bad” and just now I’d rather not deal with the “bad”. Life is all too short and filled with bad sometimes and I’d rather try and cling to the positive and good as much as possible. I don’t always succeed and end up having to vent just a tad but then I calm down and remember the “big picture” and realize that none of those who think they are in control really are. Believing in something far bigger than my small brain can comprehend should scare the living spit out of me but it never has,even when I was a tiny child and didn’t have a name for it, I knew and felt secure. For some ,that terrifies so they try to minimize it and stash it in a small rigid box or simply refuse to acknowledge its existence  which is really sorry because they miss out on something wonderful! Confused? Sorry but this is just the way my mind works and after all these years,if you don’t truly know who I am, I’m afraid it’s too late. Your neural pathways are so rigid,you will never succeed in seeing me ,the true me so relax, it’s going to be okay, life will go on and maybe one day, the “pixie ” will come back out to play,you’ll like her, she’s a blast at parties! So if you’ve stuck with me till the end, smile, laugh if you can find some really good jokes for life is too short to be forever frowning. 

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