We were just kids

 We were just that, kids, little girls who thought their dad could do anything  and ,for the most part, he could back then. It was truly amazing growing up with my dad. The man could farm, raise animals, fight fire, build buildings including wiring and plumbing and still be thoughtful enough on Sunday mornings to go open the church and start the heater so the building wouldn’t be so cold when the rest of the congregation arrived. He could drive that tractor of his hauling a hay wagon full of people and not lose a one. he even could handle it loaded with wood and one toddler and manage to stop and catch her before she fell off the back! He was strong but gentle enough to give hugs to his little girls and when they needed it, a smack on the bottom which it didn’t take much more than that because we always felt guilty putting him through that for he was a gentle enough soul that it did physically hurt him to cause us pain . He cared enough to be concerned about the things he deemed worthy of thought but he also had and still does have a wicked sense of humor and a laugh that  makes the heart expand. There have been so many moments lately where I have looked back and realized through my grownup eyes that I was still remembering things according to how they appeared to me as a kid. Sometimes that’s a good thing, our parents are still young and vibrant,life isn’t so stressful and scary but something happens and we are forced to look at not only our parents but our past lives through eyes that can’t gloss over some things and only see the good things in others. Kids tend to think they have forever, that parents and loved ones will always be there and we can always say ” I’m sorry” or ” I was wrong”  or even, “thank you for being there for me!” but that’s not the way life goes. Life is messy, chaotic and full of drama people, it always has been, we just strive to find the best way to handle what happens to us or risk being pulled under the water and lost. I wish with all my heart, I knew the perfect thing to say to make the world be easier to take for most but I don’t. I only know what it’s going to take for me to be able to handle the world after I lose the most important people in my life and that is saying, “I love you and thank you for being there for me and I am sorry for every time I let you down but you were and are the best parents I could have hoped for!” and saying it before they go because after ,well saying it to a gravestone is just not the same. We were just kids but kids grow up, even the baby. Good morning.Image

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