How many?

misc pics 055 Just how many of these charming children,and they were, grew up to have cancer or some kind of terminal disease ?So far, as far as she knows, the birthday girl in the middle of the picture has escaped it but trust me, she bears little resemblance to that young healthy female anymore. Knowing won’t change anything much, those not present anymore won’t be brought back and those suffering from cancer probably won’t be cured but it would be nice to know what precisely caused the disease that is slowly but surely eradicating those friends and family I grew up with. When one reaches a certain age, one expects to hear about the demise of ones friends parents but not the dropping left and right of those children they used to run around on the playground with or pass notes in class. . Maybe it’s because I am sitting here in a quiet house with just one lamp on contemplating my future but it has bade me ask, am I next? Continue reading

Advertisements

“And he’s baaacckk!”

phone pics 2482 Well, for today,at least! Oh it did my old heart good to see that smiling face and twinkling eyes this morning. The night was difficult, worry and stress conspired together to keep me from falling asleep so NannyB is just moving a little slower this morning but there is just something about his face that lightens my load and makes me believe that everything will be just fine. Night time, when the head hits the pillow, is when everything decides to do an all out assault on my self confidence and like the character played by Julia Roberts says ,”The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?” . She’s right unfortunately, all the worry, the things implied but not outright said,those we believe while the positive stuff we take with a grain of salt big enough to dry up the Atlantic Ocean. However, today is a bright new day and the sun is shining outside and Ethan is being super cute inside and it is enough to be loved ,needed and appreciated by him.  Good morning. Continue reading

It’s just one of those type days

ripplesIt’s what  I like to call a reverie day. When motivation has eluded ones grasp and the need to just sit and gather wool takes over.Oh, I haven’t been entirely worthless this morning. I washed a load of clothes,took a shower, even shaved my legs but I find myself wishing I were sitting in a camp chair beside this little inlet down on St Simons,just watching the ripples ,listening to the seabirds and feeling the briny air on my face, not thinking about anything in particular, just letting the thoughts come as they may ,only to be discarded or saved .My new change may turn out to be a good one, at least that is what I am telling myself. The turning off of the television may just lower my stress level and I do have a stack of YA books to read(sorry, I will finish soon!) and Holly Black does have a talent for the genre! I have become, by necessity, a creature of habit,When I had a little one here five days a week, he needed a certain amount of routine, after all, daycare or pre-school,both have planned activities and schedules . Now, on the days he is there, my schedule is starting to unravel, my habits are becoming not so habitual and maybe that will be a good thing. Enable me to make the big change which is coming eventually. I found myself watching one of the little videos I make from time to time so his mom can see what he’s up to and wondering, in the years to come,if he’ll even remember me. I’ll never forget him and never forget to be thankful to his parents for sharing him with me . Little things and little ones do mean a lot!. Good morning. Continue reading

Into the woods

misc pics 012 I think I will be spending some time in the woods today,at least, on my computer. Since Ethan is at big boy school today, I believe I’ll “play” with my little “woodland kids” and see if i can get them back home,safe,sound and wiser. Then, the mind blowing task of sorting through clothes and paperwork awaits me.The dreary and mundane have taken on Monday now,well, unless I just “stay” in my imaginary forest, I can’t imagine a world without imagination or being a person that doesn’t have the capacity for “what if”.! Imagine not being able to look at an ordinary object like a plain wooden box and not see the journeys it has taken to get to the table in front of you or see the decoration in ones mind that can spring to life once the brush or carving knife is in the hand.In this country ,we pride ourselves and having our feet firmly on the ground and that is a good thing. Flights of fancy with nothing tangible to support those dreams crumble rapidly into dust but life with out fancy is a dull shade of gray .There have been times in my life that my vivid imagination has kept me sane because it enabled me to escape and believe in something bigger than what was right in front of my eyes.Now if only I could use that imagination to pay my bills! Good morning.

“Big boy school was a breeze!”

phone pics 784 “Ooh ,Nanny, you should have seen the playground and i got to play on the playground with all these kids and I had fun!” Well, he didn’t say it in exactly those words but he was greatly impressed by the playground and let’s face it, NannyB just doesn’t have a playground so I expect he will be glad to go back on Monday and continue to explore the wonders of that place.When he arrived this morning, he was very vocal about his disappointment with my lack of that play area but “Let It Go” started playing on the TV and “Frozen” saved my bacon! I actually had to put the movie in the DVD player, one song was just not enough for him (Disney Channel  was on the TV!) so now I am listening to that movie for the millionth time like so many parents, grandparents and caregivers in the world since our little ones discovered that chilly cinematic triumph but it is making him happy and that is what it is all about.I’ll be playing more movies on the days he’s here, just downgraded my cable service to basic so as to lower my bill enough hopefully so I can keep it and i had a great time chatting with the little guy on the other end. Yes, I do believe he was in India but he was so very sweet and helpful. maybe ,just maybe, we do get back what we give at times because i started off my call with a positive statement. I’m being positive about Ethan’s start in the fascinating world of “big boy school” or daycare because with all my heart, that is what I want back,for his experience to be positive, to add to his knowledge and enable him to build  friendships with other children. Now, that’s not to say that a part of my heart is breaking because he doesn’t need me so much anymore but that’s life. Babies are born, so new and precious and one blinks and there they are all grown up. His world is changing and so is mine but the last three years are priceless to me and I treasure every moment I have spent with him,,even the diapers for that is a part of life too! A very smelly, messy part but life is messy at times so we clean it up and keep going and that is what I am going to do, keep going. Where,I’m not sure yet but yes, my habitat will most likely have to change since my income is changing . Once again, that is the way life is. Good morning!

“Why you worried Nanny, I’m a big boy!”

Ethan Russo “I mean, look, see how grown up I am? I’m doing my business on the big potty and I know how to do all this stuff you taught me! Those other kids will be amazed at how smart and fun to play with I am. My coloring skills alone will garner me play dates galore and my tomahawk chop and baseball knowledge will ensure the guys are impressed ! My rendition of “Let it go” from “frozen” will ensure the ladies fall in line to be my girl so relax, I got this daycare thing nailed!”  Oh little one, my logical brain knows all this and knows how this is just part of the process of you getting bigger but Nanny’s heart just sees that cute little baby and hopes that somebody hugs you during the day, that they understand when you say no, that you’re just testing your boundaries, that their timeout for those moments when you didn’t follow their “rules” will work and you ‘ll understand why you can’t do what you want all the time. I’m hoping today is a big success and you can’t wait to go back but oh how I miss you already! Continue reading

memories and moments

Brenda at 13 I remember the heat of the summer day as I walked, trudged more likely ,up the road behind my grandparents trailer  that led to my Aunt Katherine’s house. She was painting my portrait and that made me feel special. I remember sitting in the wicker chair and listening to the sound of her voice when she spoke. I don’t remember what she said or even what I must have said for I was sure to have to been eager to talk even when she told me to sit still.Mostly what I remember is that special feeling, that feeling that there was something worth committing to canvas about me if my aunt was taking the time to do just that. That portrait hangs on the wall beside my desk ,not because I love to look at my younger self but because every time I look at it, I am reminded that I was special to Julia Katherine Eubanks Evatt  and most importantly, I was loved by her and that knowledge can brighten the gloomiest of days. Good morning and Happy Birthday Aunt Katherine,  Continue reading