Light at the end of the tunnel

ImageLight at the end of the tunnel is a phrase most of us have heard all our lives and sometimes literally  has happened for some. There have been times in my life that have felt like a long black tunnel and all I could do was simply just keep walking, one foot in front of the other and hope I reached the light before I gave up and stopped but somehow, the light always seemed to appear at the right moment. Now you can roll your eyes and disagree with me and comment on how my life hasn’t been either that bad or isn’t that great but it’s my life and I am actually the only one who has physically lived it and should know, right?In my own opinion, we are ,as human beings right now, in that figurative tunnel and we can either give up looking for the light and walking towards it and just sit down and rot in that one spot or we can just keep walking. That is what I personally am going to do as “rotting in place” isn’t that much fun. So, I will continue to laugh and joke(sometimes, very badly but I’m no Mel Brooks!) and be myself  and if you like that,by all means ,join me and if you don’t…well, don’t, it is your choice but laughing is a lot more fun than crying and smiles almost always make one’s face look a lot better than a severe frown and I am tired of trying to make you laugh and feel better when you are determined to feel bad. By the way, if you are incensed or offended or ticked off by this opinion,stop a second and think about why because it truly is not directed at one person in particular ( I find myself doing the same thing and sometimes I realize I am guilty and sometimes I am reacting to an opinion in a knee jerk response and it wasn’t directed at me), just popped into my head and I decided to let it flow and the easiest way to build a dam is to block up the stream and writers block is a terrible dam to make! 

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The light came on

ImageNo, a wee ghostie didn’t flick the switch or an electrical short turn on a bedside lamp, that I could handle. Oh no, it was a dream that woke me from a restful sleep. A dream that so unsettled me that it has driven me and my arthritic fingers to the keyboard and I’ll attempt, as best I can, to recount the details to you but it’s not so much the words that would help anyone else understand why this particular dream upset me, it’s the feelings I was experiencing during the dream and it may be that one would have to be me to truly understand but here goes. I was much younger and still married to the one who came before (inside joke!) and I had been gone  from the house ,visiting and helping out various relatives. I had come back to this huge old house he had found for us and he had made this seafood dinner which was nice and thoughtful and he had even moved and unpacked all our belongings which was really sweet but when i walked into the bedroom which ,in my dream, should have contained my sleigh bed and all the furniture I now own, it had been replaced with all new items and they were pretty and shining and brand new . By now, you are going, ” What a great dream,why would that upset her?” Well, unless you’ve ever seen the movie ,”The Quiet Man” with John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara, you might not understand but  in my dream, he had sold off what gave me a sense of self, “A bit of me”, my brideprice if you will and maybe in the dream ,my subconscious knew that the furniture was things I had bought ,not him and gave me a sense of being an equal partner  which is important in a  marriage or even in just a friendship. I’m not saying that being a stay at home mom and cleaning house and changing diapers shouldn’t count as equal to leaving each day to a job that pays the bills, it should but sometimes ,we need something, which in my dream was furnishings, to give us a sense of self worth and make it easier to handle the financial inequity. Have I thoroughly confused you and left you rolling your eyes and scratching your heads in confusion, well, twas not my intent but perhaps I might make you think and contemplate  and sometimes that’s a good thing. Living in the past might not be a good thing in some ways but learning from it is and ,just sometimes, try and look at things that upset you through the other person’s eyes. In my dream,he thought he was being so kind and thoughtful and generous and he was but he had taken something away that I needed to shore up my sense of being an equal. Enjoy the day to come and ,in a free moment ,mull over my words and think, just think.

To open my eyes towards Heaven

Image To open my eyes towards heaven

To see the familiar and comforting

To feel the warmth  and love and appreciation

To leave behind the old and negative

To forgive  and forget all the pain

To enjoy the music that is in the very air

To feel those notes fill my soul to the brim and spill over

To be lighter than air and bright as the sun

To finally go back home where I belong